What Becomes of the Broken Hearted? They Get Ripped

Break-ups are difficult times for everyone. They mark a significant change in your life whether good, bad or totally unforeseen.

However, I’m here to report that ALL change is good. Even if you can’t see it at the time, there are always positive things to take from a gear switch in life. I understand, though, that acceptance after a rough split can be a long time coming but to help you get there, I recommend getting down to the gym first.

 

Every break-up includes the following-

– Resentment

– Sadness

– Loss

– Jealousy

– Fear

– Anger (at one time or another)

Those are all powerful negative emotions and if you allow them to rule who you are or if you let them fester, they will become stronger and you’ll take them with you into the next chapter of your life. This is where you get the ‘boundary people’, ‘I’ve been hurt before, I don’t want it to happen again.’ so to guard themselves, they put up all these walls. In a romcom a new partner comes along and lovingly, over time, takes down these walls.

I can tell you, most people don’t have time for that. Those that will try, may even succeed but by then the first stages of what could have been a wonderful relationship are already strained. That pain and resentment from the past creates jealousy and uncertainty and the only person who can truly get rid of them is YOU.

I think it’s best to start early and chop those babies up before the roots take hold.

For me, I’ve found utilizing that pain to power an aggressive gym session has been the best tactic not that it will work in one sitting. It will take days, weeks or even months depending on what happened.

So here are the stages I go through to start to dissipate all that negativity:

1) I list everything they ever did wrong, either on a piece of paper or just in my head.

Anger and resentment are your strongest motivators here. Once I have a good fire of the two, I RESIST the urge to send that list to the person. No good will come of an impulse move here. Believe me.

2) Get to the gym

Visualize all those times, imagine the worst things they ever said or did to you and just go. Sweat it all out until there’s none of it left for today.

What you may be left with are tears, that’s ok. Tears are for mourning and this is a mourning process. The tears left are for the positive moments you shared with someone. We’ve effectively erased the bad memories and in doing so are cleansing the relationship of all those times we wished we’d changed. We can’t change them and if we take that hurt and disappointment away with us, we’ll become jaded and cynical and that isn’t what we want. We want to be open to the new experiences that are coming our way. Life’s full of surprises, after all and we need to be positive and free to enjoy them.

The other advantage of doing this is the physical. Exercise will release several ‘happy’ hormones and leave you feeling good about yourself. It also helps you get out of the house and prepare for other aspects of your life. Say to yourself ‘That hour is mine to dwell on the past. The rest of the day is about moving forward and carrying on.’

Also, we’ve all seen it happen to our mates occasionally, they get comfortable and happy with someone and they gain a few extra pounds in the name of love. A friend while looking at her slight love handles once said to me, ‘That right there is Roger.’

If this is you, this is a chance to shed those pounds along with your partner.

And if there does happen to be a little resentment left over, a hot body is far more powerful for the next time you see your ex than a new accessory on your arm. Throwing your hurt into someone else is only a band aid, especially if you’re doing it for the wrong reasons; jealousy and a ‘filler’ person. Nothing wrong with a rebound, as long as you’re doing it for yourself not your ex.

Still, there will not be a better feeling than walking into that room, toned, trimmed and feeling amazing for yourself and BY yourself. Especially, when you happen to see the look on your exe’s face when all the heads turn to you. Confidence, happiness and health are the most attractive qualities in a person. Sadness, low self esteem and an excess of booze only mean you let your past relationship beat you, so don’t.

Take it on the chin and if you have to cry or scream or be angry, do it at the gym 😉

NB. A woman in Ann Summers the other day when I told her I was on a ‘post break-up spree’ said to me, ‘I lost 4 stone when I split up with my ex. Makes you into a whole different person.’

It does. Own it, embrace it and love yourself for a change!

Running on a Hangover- Kill or Cure?

So I woke up yesterday, a touch worse for wear, perhaps around ten a.m. Rather bemused at the headache and nausea I was facing as the last coherent memory I have is telling everyone I was having a ‘quiet one’. (For the record, those words are cursed.) However, as a student, hangovers are not uncommon to me and they are the price we pay for having a few hours off. After some Orange Juice and a Netflix marathon, I felt no better so I (very reluctantly) put on some running shoes and a pair of shorts.

I always run on a hangover, if I can and I find it helps. No, I am being honest, I promise. I find it helps for a few hours, anyway, usually by around five my blood sugar is dropping again and all I want to do is sit in the dark with the saltiest popcorn the world has ever seen. Running hungover is like climbing a mountain; the first 10-15 minutes out to the top is horrendously awful, lack of air, dizziness and sickness but the 10-15 minutes back (or down the mountain) is a miracle. I find my sickness is gone and I even feel a little hungry. The most likely reason it helps is that it causes an endorphin release and (I find) eases my guilty conscience about my calorie consumption after a heavy night.

However, exercising when your body is not in good condition is more dangerous, whether it was self induced or not; you could end up doing yourself more damage in the long run. Only go if you are well hydrated and have no unexplained injuries.

Three Important Health Warnings for Running on Hangovers:

1) Drink plenty of water. I know it’s obvious but particularly on a hangover when your body’s temperature control is still suffering and you have been out dancing all night.

2) Go easy. You are still delicate and not in good health for a 5/6MI route. Keep the pace to a jog and, I recommend, no more than 20-30 minutes of light exercise.

3) Do not take painkillers before exercising! This is very important, if you have had any painkillers on the day of the workout, you should not exercise. This will mask warning pains and you may overdo it.

^^ I have in fact done this before when I was on strong pain medication for a cracked rib, I went to the gym and subsequently made the injury worse. I then couldn’t exercise for an extra fortnight longer than expected.

Good luck with it! Try not to feel too bad if you wake up with a hangover, we all need to cut loose a bit sometime, just be sure to take good care of yourself afterwards. In the mean time, if you are reading after a heavy night and not quite ready to take the plunge that is facing exercise or just other people, here are some amusing hangover memes with cute animals that know how you feel:

Swimming with Coloured Hair

So I recently dyed my hair blue and pink, I often dye my hair crazy colours, however this does make swimming somewhat difficult. I have as yet no real solution, I must admit.

But with the summer weather on the way, these are my ‘Top Tips’ for preserving hair colours, if you like a good swim:

For Blondes:

-Put your hair in pig tails (two plaits on either side of your head) if your hair is long enough, this will help prevent the chlorine from penetrating and drying your hair

– After swimming use a special shampoo and conditioner (I find Lee Stafford for Bleach Blondes is the best)

This will prevent the colour dulling and also help stop it turning green.

– Buy leave-in conditioner to use after (I always use the Australian brand ‘Aussie’ but my Grandma swears by mane & tail if you’re in the states)

For Red Heads:

– While swimming have your hair in a tight bun, use several hair bands if necessary to prevent as much water washing away the colour as possible

– Purchase colour preserving shampoo and conditioner (the more expensive ones are usually better, phil smith is good for red head’s)

– After swimming, when I had red hair, I didn’t usually wash all my conditioner out after showering, my hair would be greasy for a day but when I washed it the next day I found the colour would be fuller and shinier

For dark colours (dyed blacks & purples):

I confess it has been years since I used these colours on my hair but my housemate has dyed dark purple and she uses Herbal Essences ‘Ignite my colour’. She doesn’t swim often but when she does, she advises using a swimming cap or keeping your head above water.

For bright primary colours (blues, pinks, violets etc.):

– Purchase a rubber swimming cap and take these steps:

1) If your hair is in sections like the picture opposite, tye the sections up in either loose buns or pony tails separately to avoid cross-contamination, if not simply tye the hair up in a plait.

2) Put a small amount of colour preserving conditioner into the swimming cap or moisture enriching conditioner (I find tresemme does some good ones for the job)

3 Put on the swimming cap tight over the tied up hair and get to it!

The reason I do this is that I have found all swimming caps leak and this way prevents the colour running and seals it off as much as possible. It also gives my hair a well needed conditioning treatment!

– After swimming wash with colour sealing shampoo and conditioner (I have also put a small amount of blue/pink dye into a bottle of shampoo and conditioner that I take swimming, this works for the colour but not the general damage my hair is in)

– Use leave-in conditioner (I recommend Aussie again)

Hope this helps and let’s pray the weather is as glorious as it has been!

‘It is always best to start at the beginning’ ~ Glinda, Wizard of Oz

How this blog came into existence and How to fail at non net-based networking

I attended my first networking event on Tuesday, it was an event organised by the university so students could meet influential and creative people from local businesses. I had spent nearly all day preparing for the activity. I’d even had to buy new clothes as the most appropriate thing I had to wear had a jail prison tattoo print and was probably more than 6″ above the knee.

As a result I was late and I hadn’t eaten anything and as always when you are late for something very important, everything on the way went wrong. Traffic was bad, there were no parking spaces, the nearest parking ticket machine in the overfill car park was out of order meaning I had to go to the main parking lot and back. On top of which, for some reason, I’d thought heels were a good idea and of course when I arrived the venue was underground and the rather steep steps had a pretty pattern of holes in just about the size for the heel of a shoe.

Amazingly, I was just about on time.

Networking itself, though, is a kind of bizarre and intimidating experience, especially if you’ve never had any practice at it. As an American-English hybrid, I sometimes have my Mother’s habit of understanding things in a US manner. In America, confidence is a rehearsed skill, what the English believe is bragging is often considered just ‘selling yourself’ in the US.

So when I arrive for the event, it is arranged in a kind of speed dating format and the first thing we’re told is to ‘really sell ourselves’ in under four minutes so I’m thinking, OK, I have to really sell myself but be completely modest about it… and how exactly does one do that? Needless to say, it was a slow start and I made some embarrassing and awkward mistakes.

The first table I arrived at was awkward simply because it wasn’t quite relevant to what I wanted to do and this was obvious to him within a few seconds so then it was awkward for everyone. I’d researched companies prior to the event and to ease the tension proceeded to say that I’d looked at their manifesto and then to tell him (the head of the company) that I hadn’t made it past the first paragraph. Brilliant.

I did, thankfully, start to get better after a few tries although there were far too many questions I was unprepared for, for example:

     Me (to a publicist): “I want to be a journalist”

     Publicist: “Oh? Whose work do you admire most?”

      Say a journalist, say any journalist, think of ONE SINGLE journalist and say their name, OK now say anything, anything at all.

     Me: “Neil Gaiman, for his children’s writing.” ?!

While technically true, I don’t think it’s what she meant. She gave me an appropriately blank look and moved on.

Despite my poor form, the evening was an overall success and I did meet some people who seemed generally interested in hearing from me again. I also received plenty of good advice:

1) Talk about your passion

2) Stay behind and make the last impression

and finally and the beginning of this story

3) Start a blog